Subject: [demon.local] Creation (fwd)
From: [email-masked] (Wade Matveyenko)
Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet

IN THE BEGINNING
(To justify God's ways to the 21st century)
#In the beginning was the computer.  And God said
:Let there be light!
#You have not signed on yet.
:God.
#Enter user password.
:Omniscient.
#Password Incorrect.  Try again!
:Omnipotent.
#Password Incorrect.  Try again!
:Technocrat.
#And God signed on 12:01 a.m., Sunday, March 1.
:Let there be light!
#Unrecognizable command.  Try again!
:Create light.
#Done.
:Run heaven and earth.
#And God created Day and Night.  And God saw there were 0 errors.
 #And God signed off at 12:02 a.m., Sunday, March 1.
 #Approx. funds remaining: $92.50.
#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Monday, March 2.
:Let there be firmament in the midst of the water and
#Unrecognizable command!  Try again!
:Create firmament.
#Done.
:Run firmament.
#And God divided the waters.  And God saw there were 0 errors.
 #And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Monday, March 2.
 #Approx. funds remaining: $84.60.
#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Tuesday, March 3.
:Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place
 and let the dry land appear and
#Too many characters in string specification!  Try again.
:Create dryland.
#Done!
:Run dryland.
#And God created Earth and Seas.  And God saw there were 0 errors.
 #And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Tuesday, March 3.
 #Approx. funds remaining: $65.00.
#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Wednesday, March 4.
:Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night.
#Unspecified type.  Try again!
:Create sunmoonstars.
#And God created Sun, Moon, Stars. And God saw there were 0 errors.
 #And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Wednesday, March 4.
 #Approx. funds remaining: $54:00.
#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Thursday, March 5.
:Create fish.
#Done.
:Create fowl.
#Done.
:Run fish'nfowl.
#And God created the great seamonsters and every living creature
 that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and
 every winged fowl after its kind.  0 errors.
 #And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Thursday, March 5.
 #Approx. funds remaining: $45.00.
#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Friday, March 6.
:Create cattle.
#Done.
:Create creepy things.
#Done.
:Now let us make man in our image.
#Unspecified type!  Try again.
:Create man.
#Done.
:Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it
 and have  dominion over the fish of the sea and over of the fowl
 of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the
 earth.
#Too many command operands!  Try again.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated.  6 errors.
:Insert breath.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated.  5 errors.
:Move man to Garden of Eden.
#File Garden of Eden does not exist.
:Create Gard.En.
#Done.
:Move man to Gard.En.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 4 errors.
:Copy woman from man.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated.  3 errors.
:Insert woman into man.
#Illegal parameters.  Try again!
:Insert man into woman.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated.  2 errors.
:Create desire.
#Done.
:Run multiplication.
#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
 #Warning: No time limit on this run.  1 errors.
:Create freewill.
#Done.
:Run freewill.
#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
 #Warning: No time limit on this run.  1 errors.
:Undo desire.
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
:Destroy freewill.
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
 #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Help!
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
 #Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
 #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Create Treeofknowledge.
#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
 #Warning: No time limit on this run.  1 errors.
:Create good'nevil.
#Done.
:Activate evil.
#And God saw he had created shame.
 #Warning: System error in sector E95.  Man'nwoman not in Gard.En.
 #1 errors.
:Scan Gard.En. for man'nwoman.
#Man'nwoman cannot be located.  Try again!
:Search Gard.En. for man'nwoman.
#Search failed.
:Delete shame.
#Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
:Destroy freewill.
#Freewill an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
:Stop!
#Unrecognizable command.  Try again.
:Break
:Break
:Break
#ATTENTION ALL USERS ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR
 REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES.  PLEASE
 SIGN OFF.
:Create new world.
#You have exceeded your allotted file space.  You must destroy
 old files before new ones can be created.
:Destroy earth.
#Destroy earth.  Please confirm.
:Destroy earth confirmed.
#COMPUTER DOWN.  COMPUTER DOWN.  SERVICES WILL RESUME ON SUNDAY
 MARCH 8 AT 6:00 A.M.  YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW!
#And God signed off at 11:59 p.m., Friday, March 6.
#And God saw he had zero funds remaining.