Subject: Dr. Laura and the Bible
From: [email-masked]
Date: Wed, 8 Feb 2006 7:20:01 PST
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny.reruns

ASK DR.  LAURA

Dear Dr.  Laura, Thank you for doing so much to educate people
regarding God's law.  When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22
clearly states it to be an abomination.  End of debate.  I do need some
advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how
to best follow them.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.  1:9).  The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.  How should I deal with
this?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus
21:7.  In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for
her?  I also know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she
is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.  15:19-24).  The
problem is, how do I tell?  I have tried asking, but most women take
offense.

Now I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.  Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.  Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself?  Then, Lev.  25:44 states that I may buy slaves
from the nations that are around us.  A friend of mine claims that this
applies to Mexicans but not Canadians.  Can you clarify?

A friend of mine also feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev.  10:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree.  Can you settle this?  And Lev.  20:20 states that I may
not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight.  I have
to admit that I wear reading glasses.  Does my vision have to be 20/20,
or is there some wiggle room here?

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
can help.  Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal
and unchanging.

[Note - reportedly written by filmmaker Michael Moore - ed.]

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