Subject: Long "Story"
From: Anthony Pacheco
Date: Thursday, October 29, 1992 11:35AM
Newsgroups: alt.drugs.caffeine

In October 1992,  the ABU [a software company?] support team in Bellevue
sent care packages of Starbuck's coffee, chocolate covered coffee beans,
and Frangos to the North Carolina and Texas ABU teams.
This is one North Carolina engineer's account of what happened next....

----------
From: Anthony Pacheco
Subject: Thanks for the Care Package!
Date: Thursday, October 29, 1992 11:35AM

Bryce,

I say, the care package you sent was a big hit here, thanks!  Below is 
a chronological description of the care package consumption:

Sometime before Friday:  The Care package arrives.  I resist all 
temptation to open-the-package-and-consume-an-entire-box-of-Frangos.  
Very impressive.

Friday 9:45 AM:  I arrive early to work and open the care package that 
was hidden under my desk.  I 'm amazed at all the good stuff in side, 
but somewhat disappointed to find that there were two boxes of Frango 
(or what ever they are calling them now) chocolate mints:  I could have 
eaten a box and nobody would have known.  Oh well.  I make a pot of 
coffee using the robust Yukon blend, and eat three or four chocolate 
covered expresso beans.  I send a message to NCABU announcing the goodies.

10:00 AM:  The pot of coffee is gone and ErikaPh, my manager, makes 
another, which of course I have to sample.  All the items are a big hit 
with everybody so far, except the chocolate covered expresso beans, 
which are only popular with the real coffee fans (who absolutely love 
them).  Not letting a good thing go to waste, I have a couple more, a 
mint or two, and start on my second cup of coffee.  I notice Erika 
actually drank two cups from this pot, and I start to wonder how I 
could approach my manager about making sure she leaves enough coffee 
for the rest of the queue.

10:10 AM:  The pot of coffee is out again so HarveyY makes another.  I 
of course must sample the Cafe Verona blend and indulge in a few more 
chocolate covered expresso beans.  Erika again drinks two more cups of 
coffee.  I frown but say nothing and in my depression eat another 
Frango chocolate mint.

10:30 AM:  There has been a single cup of coffee left for some time, 
and not to let it go to waste, I drink it.

11:00 AM:  KevinCo sees the empty coffee pot so he makes another, and 
then fills my cup under protest.  Erika again drops by and fills her 
mug, and pilfers some chocolate covered xxpresso beans.  For some 
strange reason, my typing speed has increased from, 25 WPM to 60 WPM,

11:45 AM:  For some (unknown) reason, I feel agitated.  To bleed of all 
the excess energy coming from nowhere, I do 92 pushups while helping a 
University of Oregon grad student with Excel.  Out the window I notice 
Erika is on her second lap running around the building.  After all that 
exercise, I feel thirsty, so I drink another cup of coffee and for a 
snack down a few more chocolate covered expresso beans.

12:10 PM:  I now notice that there are people dropping by my cube that 
usually don't, in fact, I've seen the entire queue come by and sample 
some goodies.  I try to chat, but for some reason people seem 
interested in just sampling the various yummy Frangos and the 
chocolate-almond mocha's.  Erika stops by for more coffee and we 
exchange unpleasantries.  I don't recall the exact conversation, but I 
do remember the phrases "useless stingy middle-manager" and "whiney 
engineer".  For therapy I eat a few more chocolate covered expresso 
beans and try to look up how to make a car bomb on Internet's 
rec.pursuits.anarchy.

1:00 PM:  I skip lunch, but do drink another cup of coffee and make 
another pot by request.  Getting bored, I pick up the Charlotte phone 
book and start dialing people at random, asking if they need any help 
with Excel.  Erika comes by for another cup of coffee.  I miss her with 
the stapler, but she wings me a good one with one of those cube coat hooks.

2:00 PM:   The entire queue, I believe, is wired with caffeine and 
sugar.  I, being a Seattle native, am immune to these effects.  MikeNa 
is 10 minutes into teaching his 2nd impromptu aerobics class.  It is 
very interesting to watch engineers do jumping jacks while holding 
their Aspect phones.

3:00 PM:  HarveyY has built a small shrine for the coffee pot in the 
empty cube next to me, and the low humming has started to get on my 
nerves:  "Ohhmmmmm <sip>  Ohhmmmmm <sip> Ohhmmmm <sip>."  Some people, I swear.

3:30 PM:  The Starbucks Guatemalan blend has been polished off, and a 
fight has ensued in the hallway on whether to ration the chocolate 
covered expresso beans for later or continue with the consumption.  
Hastily, I  build a laser pistol out of my MS Mouse card and the power 
supply from my Mac II CI, and the fight quickly ends.  MikeNa shows up 
and drags the unconscious rebels back to their desks.

4:00 PM:  If I could just talk to the cleaning people into lending me 
some Drain-O, I can complete the car bomb before Erika goes home.  The 
coffee pot is empty again so of course I make another.  Nice guy that I 
am, I drink a cup to sample the brew and deem it Most Excellent.  I 
have a couple of Frango mints to compensate for skipping lunch.

5:00 PM:  KevinCo informs me that Erika has been slipping by in 
camouflage spandex to siphon off coffee with a long straw.  I thank him 
for this valuable intelligence information.  In a time-honored Seattle 
Male Bonding Ritual, we eat 5 chocolate covered expresso beans each.

6:15 PM:  I send mail to the entire queue announcing a fresh pot of 
coffee (after drinking a cup first) and await Erika to sneak by with glee.

6:20 PM: I caught Erika red-handed.  I dodge the pen she tried to stab 
me with, and landed a good blow to her left kidney.  As she is crawling 
back to her desk I hear her mumble something about "time to write a review".

6:25 PM  I panic and in desperation, log on to the mail server with a 
VTP connection.  I hack my way into Erika's Xenix mail spool file and 
quickly write, in the Xenix Borne C Shell, a program that will send an 
email message every 30 seconds using Erika's email name.  I address it 
to the only people on campus at the time, Corporate Security, and title 
the message,  "I Want Bill Gate's Love Child!".  I "cc" 
[email-masked] and [email-masked] just for giggles and grins.

7:30 PM:  Two security guards show up, one drags Erika away and the 
other starts packing her desk.  I laugh hideously at her shrieks of 
protest, and in celebration jump in my girl friend's sports car and 
drive around the Charlotte Coliseum several times at 120 MPH.

8:00 PM:  I'm feeling really tired.  KevinCo points out that there 
still an entire box of chocolate covered expresso beans left.  Not 
wanting them to go to waste, we each eat half a box.

9:00 PM  After successfully typing my 3rd impromptu novel while helping 
Betty from Orlando with a data consolidation, MikeNa announces that the 
queue has been shut off.  After the phone call I drink 14 complementary 
beers, and for some unknown reason, still couldn't get to sleep that night.

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